Eyes Wide Open

A Perspective From Within

The Halo Effect


My head, neck and chest were locked in a rigid metal and plastic frame. My head was positioned by screws that were twisted through my scalp, into each side of my skull. The halo was just icing on the paralysis cake. I already couldn’t move my legs and core, now my head and shoulders were locked into place as well. If things couldn’t get any worse, I found out that both sides of my head were shaved to accommodate the metal screws going into both sides of my temple. This was the Rhianna look that went horribly wrong. At that time discovering that both sides of my head where shaved, definitely was a bigger blow to me then having a rigid metal and plastic apparatus on 50% of my body.

My hair was extremely important to me. It was almost something I hid behind and served as a proponent to my self-esteem. My long brown hair made me feel like a chameleon, and allowed me to change my look at any time, better than any designer outfit would do. Flat ironed, curled, tousled, in a bun, in a high ponytail, any way it was done changed my look every time, and people noticed. This seemed important to me.

By the way, the halo what just wonderful to sleep in. A continuous cocktail of morphine, Percocet and Ativan made the halo feel like silk pajamas. Staying in a dreamlike and pain-free state artificially and temporarily made me feel that life was just great….


12 thoughts on “The Halo Effect

  1. Your description of what you are going through is poignant and raw; this gives new meaning to women who think “they” are having a bad hair day.

  2. Mary,
    I’m speechless, but I will say this. I can’t wait until the day I’m reading this in your journal . ” Today is the last day of my journal , I’m back home surrounded by family and friends, and thoughout all of this I realized how I can make anything happen..”THE END”
    Love and miss you.
    Love, Dima

  3. Boy does your account of the importance and need for your “hair ” show how absolutely un important our hair is in the scale of things!! Such a lesson to learn about where our emphasis should be in life…,, not with our hair , that’s for sure

  4. Boy! Your emphasis of the importance of you hair teaches all of we women about where “importance should really be in life “. definitely not with HAIR……That’s for sure. The raw brutal experiences that you are going through makes life a clearer for all your friends….. Maybe we can be better people as we learn from you. Your courage and reflections make each of us stronger. Love you Mary. Carolynne

  5. Mary, your words leave us with a feeling that you are an amazing woman! You are making a difference in the lives of others as you write. Bless you!

  6. amazing MAV, you are a fabulous writer! Love you!

  7. I want to thank Ross for being there for my sister…

  8. Mary, this is AWESOME, will be praying for your speedy recovery and your writing is amazing I will be checking in often to read how you are coming along, you are a very STRONG WILLED woman and will make it through this no DOUBT , prayers are coming your way !

  9. Mary though i only know this story through words of this blog, and from nancy m. Your strength and the impeccable quality of your person comes through very loud, and clear. Like your hair which grows back, may your recovery be complete and full.

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