Eyes Wide Open

A Perspective From Within

Reality Bites


My first night post surgery consisted of a black sleep state void of any color or dreams, intermixed with sharp shooting pains during consciousness.  The first thought each time I opened my eyes was the living hell that was my new reality. I can’t even put into words how I was feeling at every moment that I was awake. I could say I was terrified but that would be a gross understatement. I may have been loaded with narcotics, but I was well aware of how dire things were for me. I am so damaged. Will I ever recover? What will my life be like? What was I going to do? What was Ross going to do? Would I even live? These are just a few thoughts that created nonstop crying which quickly morphed into hyperventilation.

Due to my intense emotional state, the nurses allowed Ross to stay the night with me in ICU. He laid next to me in a small chair that folded flat and told me in the most assuring tone that everything was going to be alright. He massaged my lifeless and numb arms and fingers all night until I could fall back asleep. Ross was the only drug that could calm me…


7 thoughts on “Reality Bites

  1. Your strength and honesty are truly a gift from God.

  2. Hi, I’m Ty and I’m a graphic designer assisting in the creation of your blog. It is a pleasure working with somebody who is as well versed as you. Your candor and descript writing gives a poignant perspective on what you are going though. I wish you all the best success and will be following you though your continued progress. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  3. Mary you keep writing and we will keep posting. Bring it. What time is it there? Love Gayle

  4. Mary, I have been praying for you every day since my good friend, Toni Cornocchione told me of your accident. I pray that God gives you courage and strength on a daily basis. I was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and it has changed my life forever. I never thought it would happen to me. In a moment of time life became a new normal. Please know that I will continue to pray for you and your family. God Bless you.
    Lisa Craine

  5. Thinking about you every day Mare. Frank and I cannot wait to come and visit. You are in my and my family’s thoughts and prayers all the time. My mom always asks for you and your progress. Your humor, positive attitude, and willingness to talk about your situation will all get you through this. I’m sure of it. Love and miss you!

  6. Mary, this is a fantasic idea!!! I already can’t wait for the next blog!!! You are truly an inspiration to me!! You are right that this will be a testimony to your feelings, and hard work once you are walking again!!! xoxoxoxooxox

  7. your feelings come through so true that i cry… my hope and prayers are for your recovery to be swift!

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